A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, %26quot; Officer, I%26#039;m so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!%26quot; The officer looks at her, then says, %26quot;Ma%26#039;am, that%26#039;s your air freshener.%26quot;
Q: What do you call a blonde in a Volkswagen?
A: FarFromThinking
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver%26#039;s License?
A: Because she got an %26quot;F%26quot; in sex.
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said %26quot;DISNEYLAND LEFT%26quot;.
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself %26quot;oh well !%26quot; and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said %26quot;CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES%26quot;.
By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee%26#039;
The Unites States government has issued a recall on all cars and trucks that have a headlight dimmer switch on the turn signal switch. The purpose for this is to cut the traffic accidents at night by 90%. Apparently that the 90% that they plan to cut is from blonds, because they keep getting their foot stuck in the steering wheel.
Q: Why can%26#039;t a blonde get a drivers license?
A: Because every time the instructor says %26quot;Let%26#039;s park%26quot; she jumps in the back seat.
Q: What do blondes and turtles have in common?
A: When they are on their backs they are screwed.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks %26quot;Where did you get that?%26quot;
A: The pig says, %26quot;I won her in a raffle!%26quot;
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine
(note from Zelo: for you REAL blondes out there that is the machine that makes ice in the ice-skating rinks!).
Q: Why didn%26#039;t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She%26#039;d just dyed her hair.
A2: She%26#039;d just blow dried her hair and she didn%26#039;t want it blown around too much.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says,
1. %26quot;Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would%26#039;ve hit me right in the face!!!%26quot;
2. %26quot;Good thing that cows don%26#039;t fly.%26quot;
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, %26quot;I%26#039;m going to try to swim to shore.%26quot; So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, %26quot;I wonder if she made it.%26quot; I guess it%26#039;s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.%26quot; So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, %26quot;I wonder if they made it! I think I%26#039;d better try to make it, too.%26quot; So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, %26quot;I%26#039;m too tired to go on!%26quot; So she swam back.
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn%26#039;t know how to cook them.
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, %26quot;Awww, look at the dead birdie.%26quot;
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, %26quot;Where?%26quot;
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: %26quot;Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?%26quot;
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said %26quot;Oh, look at the deer tracks.%26quot; The other blonde looks and says %26quot;Those aren%26#039;t deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.%26quot; %26quot;No. Those are deer tracks.%26quot; They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted.
A blonde opened a box of Cheerios® and exclaimed %26quot;LOOK! A box of donut seeds!
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.
Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10¢ a screw!
Q: What is a blonde%26#039;s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!
Q: What did the blonde%26#039;s right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They%26#039;ve never met.
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q: What%26#039;s the mating call of the blonde?
A: %26quot;I%26#039;m *sooo* drunk!%26quot;
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) %26quot;I said: I%26#039;m drunk!%26quot;
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
Q: What%26#039;s a brunette%26#039;s mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde ***** going to leave!?
A3: %26quot;All the blondes have gone home!%26quot;
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won%26#039;t give in?
A: %26quot;Have another beer.%26quot;
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: What%26#039;s the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don%26#039;t lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What%26#039;s the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don%26#039;t let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and %26quot;The Titanic%26quot;?
A: They know how many men went down on %26quot;The Titanic%26quot;.
Q: What%26#039;s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces him/her self.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde%26#039;s boyfriend?
A: He%26#039;s the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don%26#039;t know.
R: Neither did she.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last *******.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: Why did they call the blonde %26quot;twinkie%26quot;?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that %26quot;love handles%26quot; referred to her ears?
Q: What%26#039;s the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, %26quot;Cock%26#039;ll-doodl-doooo%26quot;, while a blonde says, %26quot;Any-cock%26#039;ll-doooo.%26quot;
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only %26#039;had%26#039; 10000 men.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn%26#039;t get Hearing Aides.
Q: What%26#039;s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, %26quot;Aren%26#039;t you done yet?%26quot;
The nympho says, %26quot;Are you done already?%26quot;
The blonde says, %26quot;Beige...I think I%26#039;ll paint the ceiling beige.%26quot;
Q: What%26#039;s the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That%26#039;s nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan %26quot;Billions Served - just today%26quot;
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
A huge, no MASSIVE selection of blonde jokes, funny.?
Nice one!
A star for u!
Reply:some good ones in there!!
Reply:cant stand blond jokes and NO am not blond
Reply:that is naughty! and i!m going to tell my mam!!
Reply:Excellent Jokes...welll done...made me laugh!!!!
Reply:as crude as some of those were, rofl
and about the nuclear fission one, thats a redneck jooke
Reply:Funny, YES! Have any more?
Reply:very funny
Reply:that was certainly massive hun, pmsl
star time
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Reply:ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10
Reply:Ha ha ha.!!!
Excellent ones there Mechelle.!!!
Got me laughing here so 10/10.!!!
Cheers lady.!!
Reply:LOL, wow that was a whole lot. Lots of good ones in there!
Reply:Brilliant! Have a star, and Im Blonde!!
Reply:hahahahhahahahahah lol
ur sooo funny
10/10
u get star
Reply:You sley me! lol.
family nanny
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